Fantasy Column Week 2: I’m Sorry – Put the blame on me

I’m sorry.

There I said it.

I am sorry.

I didn’t mean for this to happen.

In my defense, I didn’t see this coming. How was I supposed to know that Season 3 episode 1 of my fantasy column would be consumed the way it was.

Season premieres are all about pulling in ratings and getting the people excited.

Look at these numbers.

I don’t know much about analytics, but I do know that I can’t name 300 people  that like both me, fantasy football and have the time to click on my work.

So again I thank everyone for the support last week.

Truly humbling.

But as I said. I am sorry.

I said somethings in my column last week that I shouldn’t have said, therefore I have apologies to make.

First I will issue my formal apology. Name the person or group it is intended for. Maybe share a quote from my column last week that proves my apology is necessary and lastly explain how I plan to make up for the mistake I made.

Here we go.

Apologies to Carlos Hyde owners

Haha “stay away” I said last week. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

I really didn’t think Hyde would accomplish much in this game. I thought the Vikings defense would bottle him up on early downs and force Colin Kaepernick to throw, but damn the exact opposite happened.

Hyde owners, I’ll make it up to you by saying  congratulations! You just got your self a top 12 and potential top 10 running back for the year. Hold on to him and expect high volume carriers the rest of the year.

Personal apologies go out to my friend Mark. Hope you’re feeling good now.

Apologies to gamblers of the Colts game 

Yeah. No. This was the worst call I had.

A buddy of mine named Will asked me for some gambling advice last week. I told him.

“Will, my good friend, being a college athlete in my senior season, you know I can’t start gambling on sports until next year, but if I could bet I would put my money on the Colts to kill the Bills. Shoot, Who is Tyrod Taylor anyway right?”

Damn was I wrong again.

Apparently Taylor is good enough to complete 14 of 19 passes for 195 yards and a 51 yard touchdown pass to Percy Harvin.

I also thought Andrew Luck would play like the third best quarterback in the league, but in his defense his offensive line is not good and the Bills defense is stout.

Going forward, the Colts offense will be fine. With TY Hilton questionable for Monday Night Football, expect Andre Johnson to have a nice game along with increased targets for Donte Moncrief who had 11 last week.

The Bills still confuse me. All I know is as long as Harvin is healthy he should probably be in your lineup.

And Lesean McCoy might not play this week. Watch out.

Apologies to my cousin & DeAndre Hopkins owners

 

 

“Not a top 12 receiver in any format.”

Yeah because he IS a top 3 receiver in any format.

El Will ya idiot.

Nine catches 98 yards and two scores. He just physically looked better than anyone in the Chiefs secondary.

I’ll make it up to Hopkins owners by saying this.

With Foster out, It looks like Hopkins will get any and all red zone opportunities. Touchdowns are the hardest thing to predict in fantasy football, but it looks like Hopkins is one of the better locks to score every week from here on out.

Apologies to Davante Adams owners

This one isn’t even my fault. Every time I was in my hometown this summer I’d swing over to my guys house, and come fantasy season I had to listen to him rave (like he does every year) about how dope his Packers are.

Therefore I’ll apologize for him.

Nate is sorry for influencing me into telling my readers this last week.

In mine and Nate’s defense, Adams did lead all Packers in targets with eight. It was just Aaron Rodgers who decided to rekindle his old flame with James Jones in the red zone and not show love to the young gun Adams.

I think Jones presence lowers expectations for Adams and both receivers might only be wide receiver threes the rest of the year.

Apologies to the non-gigglers

I write this column for several reasons, one reason being to entertain my friends and readers each week.

My experiences are my experiences and if I share them that is my choice. I believe what makes my column unique is my willingness to share authentic stories and moments from my life and spin them in a way that relates to fantasy football.

As long as I am successful at that and the majority of my readers respond positively to my work then my column will live on, and I couldn’t be more excited to blow off my school work, personal hygiene and sleep to continue giving the people what they want.

So with that being said, Non-gigglers, I don’t want to hear about this ever again.

Broncos vs Chiefs

Anyone who read my column last year knows I had some brutal Thursday night calls.

The common denominator in the games became a short week of practice tended to equal a bad night of offense for both teams playing.

Therefore, history shows I should predict a low scoring game and some ugly football.

Ha. No way.

I think the Broncos get their offense back on track in this game and that’ll start on the ground either with a banged up (but still playing) CJ Anderson or Ronnie Hillman.

IF Peyton Manning looks bad in this game. Then it’ll be time to panic but I’m not giving up on my high school quarterback’s favorite signal caller just yet.

Alex Smith faced a tough Texans defense last week and will get another test with Denver tonight. If he plays well then this Chiefs offense is going to be the real deal all year long.

Lions vs Vikings

I already apologized for my poor call on the Vikings game and for a more in-depth look at Minnesota going forward I urge you to check out my guy Joe Rush’s column.

He knows far more about the Vikings going forward than I could tell you.

As for the Lions, Golden Tate is going to be a points per reception monster this year. I am still trying to figure out why leagues that aren’t PPR still exist (or why we play with kickers for that matter) but to each is H***** own or however that saying goes.

Calvin Johnson should bounce back this week against a secondary that wasn’t really tested last week, and shout out to my friend John Enders and his Lion’s new rookie Ameer Abdullah.

It’s clear Abdullah will be a difference maker this year and could easily lead the Lions in yards from scrimmage if his usage stays up. Trade for the kid now before everyone knows how chill he is.

Titans vs  Browns

Since I’ve been over doing it with the memes this week I’ll just keep forcing it.

What the hell happened to the Bucs?

The only good thing about that game is it is clear Tampa Bay is going to be behind in games this year and that means lots of targets for Mike Evans if he’s ever healthy.

As for the Titans. I am buying Kendal Wright as a legitimate number two wide receiver this year especially in PPR.

As for Bishop Sankey, Are you really believing in a guy who averaged 3.7 yards per carry last year and who’s longest run was 22 yards?

And unless your name is Tom, you sure as hell aren’t inserting Sankey into your lineup outside of an running back two slot.

Word of advice, regardless of your league, never start three running backs at the same time. If you have that much depth at running back than make a trade. But don’t start three backs.

This isn’t 2007.

Falcons vs. Giants

Odell Beckham Jr. versus Julio Jones.

How blessed are we the people to live in America?

Though all eyes will be on these two superstar athletes, my eyes are on Tevin Coleman.

Twenty week one carries is reassuring and it looks like he’s the unquestioned lead back in Atlanta.

Also don’t let the Giants defense fool you. They couldn’t hold off a Cowboy offense that was without Demarco Murray or Dez Bryant.

Speaking of Dez Bryant. As my guy DP knows, TRADE HIM NOW! FOR ANYTHING!

Dez Bryant isn’t going to be back on the field until Week 12 at best. This is the same injury that keep Kevin Durant away from basketball for an entire season.

I wouldn’t be shocked if the Cowboys are sitting at 3-7 and just shut him down for the year.

Try to find a disconnected owner or Cowboy believer to take Bryant off your hands because he isn’t going to be worth the emotional roller coaster that he’s about to put his owners through.

Seahawks vs Packers

We all learned something last week.

Seattle’s offense line is bad. That’s not good for a team that’s finished a top the league in rushing attempts since Russell Wilson became the starter.

Bad news for Marshawn Lynch owners. Not because Lynch won’t get his touches because he will. I am worried about his effectiveness due to his offense line’s weaknesses.

Remember, the Seahawks traded All-Pro center Max Unger for Jimmy Graham this spring and are now paying the price up front for it.

I think the Seahawks will throw the ball around more than usual Sunday night in hopes of hiding the limitations of their offensive line.

The Packers are the Packers, and I already talked about them. Start everyone and enjoy Sunday night with a beer, mixed drink or a Mountain Dew depending on your age or city you’re from.

Jets vs Colts

I’m interested in one player on the Jets this year after his performance in week one.

Barber boy’s favorite, Brandon Marshall.  A team high nine targets and a score. He’s a sneaky wide receiver two the rest of the year.

As for the Colts, I am going to stop talking about them because I’m tired of it.

And for whoever has an issue with that, I’ll tell you what I told one of my former teammates and current coach the other day when he reminded me of my Colts call last week.

“PISS OFF BUDDY!”

In Closing

That’s all I have for this week. A few notes before I wrap up.

A big happy birthday goes out to my wide receiver brothers. I appreciate you two more than you know.

Have a night because you both deserve it. Arrow for life.

 

Lastly, feel free to leave a comment below. Last week there were a couple of good comments left but there is room for more!

I’ll comment back for a good time.

That’s all I wrote.

As always, Have a great fantasy weekend.

Post credit scene

Inspiration for this weeks column was drawn from this clip. Thank you as always South Park.